Was asked to do the run report just about at the end of the circle and I thought fuck me, I haven’t been listening to what’s been going on.
So here goes:-
Was not at the start of the run because of a medical episode so I cannot comment on that but I was standing by Chimneys front gate and watched the runners fly passed, most who were Botany runners
Larrikins must be getting old, and talking about old and lazy. Chimney lives about 350 meters from the Golf Club how did he arrive at the start? He drove his car. Not long after the pack had gone past me I started to panic as Laundro was supposed to pick me up and transport me to the halfway bucket, only to get a call from him telling me he was still in Chinatown getting a San Choy Bow takeaway. Has he ever been on time? Lucky for me I was able to ring Mister Reliable, “Mongrel” who was about to set up the bucket and he picked me up and rushed to the ½ way spot just as the first runners arrived, after about 20 minutes of sucking on The Beans favorite tipple coffee liqueur the front pack took off in the wrong direction and had to be called back, 2 or 3 dallied there for another 10 or 15 min waiting for the walkers to arrive, fat chance of that they had stood at the top of the hill looked down the path then headed back to the golf club, back to Chimney again he drove to the ½ way bucket, his only redeeming feature was I had a ride back to the circle. Thanks to the Botany Bay mob for turning up on mass and to the Frazer Clan we hope you had a great night in remembrance of your Dad.
Thanks to Mongrel for helping me set the run, if it had not been for him it would probably have been a cock up. What happened at the bucket ????? Buggered if I can remember
On On Jukebox
Grewsome gave the run report, mentioning that Jukebox was instructing the pack about the half way bucket as they passed the front of Chimney’s residence, then complemented the run and previously mentioned halfway bucket initially giving the run a score of 4, but then following some further deliberation settled on a score of 8.
So, the (ex) Scribe’s been up since 4.30am, since which ungodly hour he’s hosted a Eurovision Grand Final Viewing ‘Dawn Service’ in the ‘ville; watched the contest on SBS with his guests; and then watched it again on YouTube, sans ad breaks or commentary, tout seule whilst clearing up after. It’s thus a somewhat knackered ex-scribe that’s now compiling this hash trash on Sunday evening.. It’s probably a small mercy that Australia stumbled at the hurdle of the first semi-final earlier this week, or else there’d’ve been a strong chance of our representative Montaigne joining the hapless Pommy singer James Newman in sharing the global humiliation of a double ‘nul pointes’ result: the first time it’s ever happened: zero from all 38 of the national jurors of the other competing countries, and nul pointes from the televoting public. Definitely dodged a bullet there! Meanwhile, closer to home than the Ahoy Arena in Rotterdam, there are a couple of written contributions to include, regarding a pretty busy Larrikin week that’s occurred since last Sunday.. KAFFIR put pen to paper with his thoughts on PRETZEL’s EIGHTY-FIFTH BIRTHDAY RUN, which follow, and GRANGE put pen to paper about, I think, D’AMANDA’s reasons for being late arriving at Friday’s AGPU, about which there might be a bit more to add, along with perhaps a short comment on STRINGBEAN’s ONE YEAR ON-ON WAKE.. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Firstly KAFFIR.. Happy Birthday – PRETZEL. I first met him in 81 when he joined the Hash – I was GM IN 80,He did some maintenance work in my city office in mid eighties-excellent work. I remember sailing on his yacht at same time-fantastic. He was Joint Master in 83 – GM IN 98 – GREAT HASHER. LAUNDRO set the run – organised the bucket – strange beer – from ESTONIA or LATVIA. ROCKY and BEROCCA down from QUEENSLAND – as was BREATHLESS – good to see them = Large team present – DOUBLE PAY, TRIPOD, LADY DI, SENATOR, CHIMNEY, COLONOSCOPY, FRANKLY, STRETCH, AFTERBIRTH, FETCHIT registered me – as per usual. NODDY told me that former member ROWDY – NEIL GUY – WON MILLIONS IN LOTTERY – now lives in Central Coast. SALT PETER was ON – now has his beard back. WINTERFLOOD was there – had not seen him for long time. VENERABLE – there with his dog OLLIE. After the run there were 6 visitors who identified themselves. (*ed, but alas not to KAFFIR: names are unrecorded!) BALLOON was talking Manila, from where he’s returned after more than a decade of living there. THEN – BANG – CULTURED PEARL appeared on TV – he was talking to Hash – wonderful technology – I spoke to him – he was in Switzerland, he and GULLETSBY having moved there from Paris à while back – fantastic. It was his 85th birthday 3 days before PRETZEL, and it was LICORICE NIPPLES who had set up the Skype/Zoom international call with the Pearls to coincide with PRETZEL’s BIRTHDAY BUCKET. Good to see him: I was Scribe in 1990 – he was GM. ON TO PERCYS. GREAT NITE. KAFFIR. (Ed: the report doesn’t cover the run, nor the big on-inn, but if you were on it you know how the run/walk went, and if you were on-in at Percy’s you know how that went too. If not, well tant pis). +++++++++++++++++++++ And now to GRANGE’s contribution.. AGPU ( ANNUAL GENERAL PICKLE UP ) So come on train D’Manda said ! Don’t drive Grange, you have already been to pick up the Landrover DISCOVERY from Warriewood ( worry would !) Then to Campbelltown , Bardia ( almost as far west ) to pick up the Grandkids and deliver to Parramatta , for sons conference and on home to Thornleigh “DISCOVERY” hey well . . . A short drive to Normo’ Station Apparently D’manda was doing something like . . actually wanting to pay with the OPAL card . . a real GEM ain’t it ‘Cos I couldn’t find mine, but what the heck . . No bother jump aboard . . D’Manda . . WHERE ARE YOU ? A mighty THIRST was building up . Err get off at the next Station Thornleigh. SMS . . ring ring . . SMS . . NO REPLY Where ARE YOU . Stuff it 5 minutes the sign said so back to Normo’ Station Get aboard the landrover DISCOVERY and soon after you could say . . . BY THE GRACE OF INDIA the thirst was being slaked Then, Oh Hi Trish , how was the train . . What was that you said the other day ALWAYS keep your phone with you . . Yes Darlin’ BUT it is GOOD to BE fully IN CHARGE, err charged , the phone I mean . . . . back on the shelf AT HOME So meanwhile , a bit earlier The TRAIN . . could I sue ? NO NOT Dr Sue , Sue as in other half of Afterbirth or Sue as in White Rabbit Just sue ,as in get the bucks, probably not ‘Cos I vividly recall glancing over my shoulder . . . the horrified look the Station Masters face EYES BULGING as I dislodged my ankle from the fast closing TRAIN DOORS So enjoyed the start of the AGPU.. On On GRANGE +++++++++++++++ Regarding the AGPU, it was an enjoyable and well-attended affair at the super-busy Grace of India restaurant nr Milson’s Point Station. Seating was at a premium: above-mentioned GRANGE and D’AMANDA’s late arrival led to them needing to share a smaller extra table with fellow latecomer DOUBLE PAY, adjacent to the ‘Long Table’ seating 30 or so earlier arrivals. There was a full house, so the committee handover ceremony had to take place outdoors infront of a sub-post office: amongst those on ALL FOURS’s new committee is outgoing GM FETCHIT, who’s now embracing his HAL-ness and becoming the Scribe, and I’ve no doubt he’ll do a brilliant job of it. NEXT WEEK has put some excellent photos from the AGPU on the S2H4 Facebook page, which, incidentally, is where I think I’ll also post some iPhone footage that LAUNDRO took inside Percy’s at PRETZEL’s birthday On On. Following the handover ceremony ALL FOURS distributed Year Books, which she had produced, and which look really great. Then it was on back in for a couple or do more Kingfishers on tap before heading across the road to the Kirribilli for a few more non-Kingfisher beers on tap, before catching a late train and bus home to the Inner West. It would be easy to have some fun at VENERABLE’s expense, who was somnambulant for much of the meal, but let he who is without embarrassing pics of themselves asleep in public places cast the first stone. It still makes me blush to know that footage exists of mr loudly snoring all the way through WOZZA’s Father-of-the-Bride speech at his daughter Samantha’s wedding a few years back! So, that was the AGPU on Friday night. Yesterday saw a big turn-out at Royal Marrickville Golf Club for STRINGBEAN’s delayed wake, and I’d estimate the circle was about 50-70 deep when his ashes were scattered by his son GREWSOME on the first tee. After that it was ON-INN to the Clubhouse for a generous bar tab and some pizzas, served by Jennifer, who’s looking forward to seeing the Larrikins again on Tuesday night after JUKEBOX’s STRINGBEAN MEMORIAL RUN. Good to see hashers from past and present at the wake, from far and wide, in particular DAME EDNA, DAME NELLY, KIZMEE, CYRIL THE AARDVARK, ACE, CLOSE ENCOUNTERS, DEADLY TREADLY and OLD MOLAR. Those present from Larrikins ranks past and present included aforementioned JUKEBOX, LAUNDRO, STRETCH, SENATOR, NODDY, BIGAMIST, and MS D’BUCKET, who got to know Stringy in my company at the Golf clubhouse over the years, her apartment being about a 10 minute walk from the joint, which was about the same length of time it took Stringy to drive from his Tempe abode. All in all a decent belated farewell, of which Part 2, on Tuesday evening, no doubt FETCHIT will report (or acquire a report!) in next week’s trash. So that’s it from me, I think. There are a few cartoons and memes to follow, but no jokes from Casuarina H3, so instead here a 4 frankly deeply unfunny jokes about committees from the website mycommittee.com Neha Srivastava Jokes 11/19/2011 4:45 PM Committee: a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done. Submitted By: Neha Srivastava —————————— Mohamed Mehaisi Jokes 9/10/2009 8:20 AM “A camel is a horse designed by a committee” Submitted By: Mohamed Mehaisi —————————— MemberOne Jokes 3/20/2009 2:39 PM How many committee members does it take to change a lightbulb? “This topic was resumed from last week’s discussion, but is incomplete pending resolution of some action items. It will be continued next week. Meanwhile …” Submitted By: MemberOne —————————— John Stevenson Jokes 2/28/2009 10:04 AM The difference between a good committee member and a bad committee member is that a good one sleeps upright and a bad one sleeps horizontally Submitted By: John Stevenson On On and On Out, CHIMNEY
Please find below details for STRINGBEAN’s WAKE this coming Saturday May 24th. Please RSVP to John (GREWSOME) at email address below if interested in playing a few holes of golf at 2 pm.. From: John Frazer <firstname.lastname@example.org> Date: Mon, May 17, 2021 at 2:48 PM Subject: Brian “Stringbean” Frazer – One Year On On
I think I asked you to put a reserve on the date of this Saturday May 22nd in the Larrikins epistle a few weeks back – with NSW given the green light for “mingling with drinks” we have firmed up the arrangements for Saturday: The plan is to have a short “Scattering of the Ashes”ceremony on the first tee at 4pm and then head straight to the 19th hole to raise a glass or few in memory. I know that Dad had a lot of friends within S2H4 and last year there was no opportunity to have a wake and proper send off, so if you are available and able please come and join us.
For those who would like to participate we have also booked the tee at 2.00pm for anyone who would like to play a few holes beforehand – the course loops back to the clubhouse after 7 holes (Please let me know by email if you would like to join in as I need to give the pro shop numbers).
I know the Larrikin Hash have arranged to have their run from Marrickville Golf Club on Tuesday evening – this is a year to the day (May 25th) since he died- and I’m planning to attend. I have also passed invitation onto B2H3 members.
So, although by next Sunday I’ll officially be off the committee and no longer the Scribe, this isn’t infact going to be my last hash trash, as I’ll do the next one as well, sparing the new Scribe from having to dive in and produce a newsletter almost immediately after the AGPU, quite possibly with a hangover. Which is probably just as well, because this one isn’t going to be an inspired one! Speaking of hangovers, I’ve had one all day, after a big night last night, and I’ve left it til late at night to get anything down at all on ‘paper’, or iPhone screen, to be more accurate. My thanks to VENERABLE for his write up of his and OLLIE’s run, which is as follows.. +++++++++++++++++++++++++
Run Report – Venerable’s run 11 May 2021
It’s a Dog’s Shout You may be wondering what caused the last minute change of venues for the on on. After repeated requests for booking information at Genti Ramen Japanese, it was discovered on the day of the run that Genti was not actually open on Tuesdays (?!?). The adjacent Thai restaurant was more than happy to accommodate the 27 or so hashers who stayed for the on on. Mongrel arrived early with the supplies and parked close to the bucket location. The pack assembled on the corner of Wilkes and Elizabeth street, near the Artarmon station. The pack was called together, and the hare explained there were no checks but 13 on backs. As the trail was tight, and the out trail and home trail were close, the hare decided on no checks. Present were: Grange, Brengun, Colonoscopy, Codpiece, Mother, Impi, Tripod, Mongrel, Senator, Saint, Hot dick, Ice box, Blowin, Afterbirth, All fours, Fetchit, Next week, Shoes, 4×2, No Knickers, Me Knob, Bristle, IXL, Platypussy, On yer bike, Laundromat, Ollie and Venerable. The run commenced beside the Artarmon railway line, in the bush, where 3 on-backs slowed the pack down. The trail led to the bicycle path and then around Artarmon reserve, giving opportunity for the slower runners to catch up to the front runners. The trail led towards Artarmon Road and then the bicycle path under the freeway. Heading east towards Willoughby Road, where the walkers/runners split was placed. The walkers went along Willoughby Road, whilst the runners headed to Bicentennial Oval, behind the incinerator and then down around the baseball diamond oval to the tunnel under Flat Rock drive towards the Willoughby Leisure Centre. Up Artarmon Rd into and into Artarmon Reserve and onto the bike trail – home. Run statistics: • walker’s trail 4 km • runner’s trail 7 km • 13 x on-backs 1.2 km First back to the bucket was IXL, who did not follow trail, instead focussing on reccying for a Harriet’s run in a few weeks’ time. Next was Pretzold, who had walked to a roundabout and then back to the bucket. He is, after all, approaching 85 years of age (!). Then the short cutting bastards arrived – Tripod and Hot Dick – who insisted they burned the other runners off and completed every one of the 13 on-backs. It transpires that Tripod and Hot Dick were the last to leave at the beginning of the run and missed the first 3 on-backs, putting them way ahead of the pack. Double Pay arrived late due to a broken down train. Bristle arrived from the wrong direction, but at least he got there. The pack arrived back by 7:34 and Impy called the circle. Visitors were Codpiece (northern beaches) and Blowin . Shoes delivered the run report – loved the run and awarded it a score of 9.8. Well deserved. On in to the Little Thai Place where Frankly joined us. Service was fast, the food proved to be delicious and was complemented by quality Shiraz, provided by Ollie. Highly recommended as a great Hash-friendly restaurant. Unfortunately Starboard could not make the run due to being bitten by an insect. We wish her a quick recovery. On on. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++
PRETZEL advises that a torch was left at the run last week: he will be bringing it to his Birthday Run on Tuesday, so if it’s yours, please describe it to him and he’ll happily return it to its rightful owner. LAUNDROMAT would like firm expressions of interest for a proposed Larrikins long weekend camping at his farm up Tenterfield way in 2 weekend’s time (Thu 27/5- Sun 30/5), and can give further details in person to genuine likely attendees at PRETZEL’s Birthday Run too. (For the record, Laundro, I apologize, but I hadn’t realized I’d double booked that weekend and will instead be in the Southern Highlands belatedly celebrating the 101st birthday of my great aunt, in the company of various cousins, an age which makes Birthday Boy PRETZEL seem a mere nipper in comparison!).
NODDY also sent the Scribe an email, which it might be simpler to share. Hope that’s alright, NODDY..? I would imagine that the AGPU might not be a convenient time to display or share some of his hash treasures, although in some ways it’s quite fitting, but perhaps at the on-on following the STRINGBEAN MEMORIAL RUN in Marrickville on Tuesday May 25th, when we’ll most likely have the venue to ourselves, might be a good idea..?
“Hi Chimney As you know I am leaving town in the near future! I have some memorabilia which may be of interest to the committee.both,current, and incoming,or maybe, even to some members! I have a large number of Tshirts from many years past! Also several early edition Year Books and run reports! I also have the circular that emanated from the Posh to set up the Larrikins! If any interest, I may be contacted or maybe we can set up a time when they could be put on display for all to see! Regards Noddy”
BRISTLE would like to remind members to email him at email@example.com to confirm their attendance at the AGPU this Friday, while FRANKLY would like to remind members that to do so they need to pay either their AGPU-only fee, or their combined AGPU and subs fee into the Larrikin account beforehand, and the sooner the better, please. +++++++++++++++++++
So that just leaves a short space for funnies: to be honest the funnies sent by MOTHER’s Darwin Hash Connection weren’t really all that funny this week, but these were the best of the bunch..
+++++++++++++++++++++ Bud and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aeroplane mechanics in Darwin Airport. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hanger with nothing to-do. Bud said, “Man, I wish we had something to drink!” Jim says, “Me too. I know, I’ve heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?” So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane stuff and got completely smashed. The next morning Bud wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact, he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings… It’s Jim. Jim says, “Hey, how do you feel this morning?” Bud says, “I feel great. How about you?” Jim says, “I feel great, too. You don’t have a hangover?” Bud says, “No, that jet fuel is great stuff – no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.” “Yeah, well there’s just one thing…” “What’s that?” “Have you farted yet?” “No…” “Well, DON’T, ’cause I’m in Gove !!! +++++++++++++++++++ A farmer was heading home from the market with his horse and cart. Suddenly, he saw a snail crossing the road. The farmer was a kind man, so he stopped his horse and waited patiently as the snail got out of the way. When the snail was safe in the grass, the farmer was about to continue down the road – but suddenly, a fairy appeared by the roadside. “Since you’ve always been kind to animals, big and small, I shall grant you three wishes,” the fairy said. “Well, in that case,” the farmer said, “I want a chest full of gold. And I want a new cart for my horse. And…” The man went silent and thought about it for a moment, and then said, “Well, to be honest, I’m not very well endowed. I want the genitalia my horse has!” The fairy waved her wand, and everything that the man had wished for came true. When he got back to the farm, the farmer’s wife was surprised to see him sitting on a brand new cart. She was even more surprised when he showed her a chest full of gold. But when the farmer stood up and pulled down his pants, she immediately fainted. The farmer bent down to inspect his new equipment that was apparently so impressive that it had made his wife faint. He exclaimed, Damnit, I forgot I brought the mare today!” +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Mexican twin firefighters Hose a Hose b ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ What do you say to a guy with no arms or legs? ” Got the time on ya cock ” .. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ What do you call a Greek necrophiliac? Confuckacarcass. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Aboriginal walking from Melbourne to Geelong. Sticks his spear in the ground and says Were I bee. Goes along a little further. Sticks his spear in the ground and says, gee long road. Steps in a tin of paint and says “Foots grey!!” +++++++++++++++++++++++++++ What do you call a Greek tampon? Abzorba the leak. +++++++++++++++++++++
So: this edition of the hash trash is being cobbled together on a Sunday evening, 6 hours after the Scribe first discovered ‘Four Pillars Bloody Shiraz Gin Cocktails’, and it must be confessed that quite a few have been sampled since that first discovery, at a pleasant wee venue in Pyrmont. The Scribe was in the company of a Slovakian former student, amongst others, so if there’s a sudden unexpected lapse into Slovakian at any stage, well I guess proste niečo, s čím sa budeš musieť vyrovnať! —————————————————————- First off, thanks to STARBOARD for providing this prompt write up of Tuesday’s post-rain run.. “Phantom’s Hash run from Manly Vale, assisted by Starboard. IT NEVER RAINS BUT IT POURS….in more ways than one. Yes, the drought broke but there was also a downpour of Hash runs on the Northern Beaches. Having secured the Harbord Bowling Club venue and surrounding area for my Harriettes run the following night I’d decreed PHANTOM could have the Calabria Club in Manly Vale as long as he kept away from the beaches. All went well till Monday when PHANTOM had a call from SUPERGLUE of the Posh Hash to let him know he was setting a trail that night from….theCalabria Club! So PHANTOM and I helped set the Posh trail Monday arvo so we knew where it would go and at that point the smart/cunning/lazy PHANTOM decided he’d use the Posh trail for the Larrikins AND it was already marked! Hah – then it rained, and the trail was washed away. When it stopped raining at 4pm I persuaded lazy PHANTOM that he really did have time to re-set the run and OK I’d help out, and we did complete it in time even though he had to go back and finish a bit off after the pack had left. Instructing there was a run (7-8km) , long walk (5km) and short walk the huge pack of 9 set off leaving the co-hares to finish marking, have a shower and get back to the bucket, by which time it was bucketing it down again. LAUNDRO and PRETZEL made such a late appearance they had no time for anything other than putting up brollies and having a beer. It did at least mean we had a baker’s dozen of attendees. The run didn’t have a great degree of difficulty as SUPERGLUE PHANTOM had not used the countless alley ways and steps that abound in the area, but it made up for that in distance and wetness and confused most of the Northern Beaches contingent as to where they were, so job done really. BREN GUN came in after about 45 mins saying he’d done the Long Walk and it was really well marked and he had no trouble finding his way. By 7.30pm we were worried that GRANGE hadn’t reappeared as we thought he was doing the short walk. Mind you, no one else was back either and it wasn’t till 7.36 when front runners FETCHIT and SHOES got back, closely followed by IMPI, AFTERBIRTH, ALL FOURS and NEXT WEEK. That left MONGREL and GRANGE unaccounted for but MONGREL soon turned up also having done the long walk. Delaying the circle in the rain wasn’t really an option to wait for GRANGE so we phoned him and found he was on the runner’s trail about 3km away according to his sat nav (I think he meant Google Maps). PHANTOM was despatched to fetch him by car and so missed getting his down down. Shame. SHOES gave the run report and as he got a bit lost at the end and it was wet it only scored an 8.5. Shame again. AFTERBIRTH was called up to describe his new job and ALL FOURS remarked it had made him very grumpy as he whinged and moaned the whole evening and in fact pissed off without dinner as he didn’t think the food would be up to much. Double shame because as usual it was really good.”
Shoes provided the run following report from the circle:
Subject: Run report Date: 7 May 2021 at 5:48:14 pm AEST
With all the rain on Tuesday, it looked like the run was in jeopardy but the gods appeared to be hash lovers with the rain ceasing late afternoon, or so we thought. 14 diehards turned up but right on cue at 6.30pm the rain started.
The run took us around Passmore Reserve then crossing Pittwarter Rd to meander around the streets of North Manly, Curl Curl and Freshwarter. There were lots of on-backs which turned the 7Km run into 8.7Km. As the evening progressed the rain got heavier and we got somewhat lost in the suburbs making it a challenging evening.
Early in the proceedings, there was also another split for the non-runners – a short walk or a long walk – why we have both is beyond me – but clearly designed for the slow walkers. That didn’t work as GRANGE managed to find himself on the long walk (or the 8.7Km run) and when he didn’t appear at the bucket, the search party was being organised. Fortunately, he was carrying his mobile phone and reassured STARBOARD of his whereabouts, Apparently he still had another 3Km to go and at his rate, it would be 9pm before he would re-emerge at the bucket. A few short cuts were organised and he appeared just as the circle was finished and heading to the On On.
There was a bit of confusion on who set the run – apparently it was meant to be PHANTOM but POSH apparently set it the day before only for STARBOARD to re-mark the trail after the downpour. I think I gave the run 8.8 – more a reflection on the weather than anything else.
_____________________________________ Next, thanks to MOTHER’s NT connection for the following funnies, of questionable taste.. A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table – whole!” says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff. ” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” “Now what?” asks the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it” says the barkeeper. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!” ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Many years ago during my married days, I accidentally overturned my golf cart. Elizabeth, a very attractive and keen golfer, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise and called out: “Are you okay? What’s your name?” “It’s John, and I’m okay, thanks,” I replied as I pulled myself out of the twisted cart. “John,” she said, (firm loose breasts undulating beneath her white silky robe) “forget your troubles. Come to my villa, rest a while and I’ll help you get the cart up later.” “That’s mighty nice of you,” I answered, “but I don’t think my wife would like it.” “Oh, come on now,” Elizabeth insisted. She was so very pretty, very very sexy and very persuasive … I was weak. “Well okay,” I finally agreed but thought to myself, “my wife won’t like it.” After a couple of restorative Scotch and waters, I thanked Elizabeth. “I feel a lot better now, but I know my wife is going to be really upset. So I’d best go now.” “Don’t be silly!” Elizabeth said with a smile, letting her robe fall open slightly. “She won’t know anything. By the way, where is she?” “Still under the cart, I guess.” ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother”s labour pain to the father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favour of it. The doctor set the pain transfer dial to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. But as the labour progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and bump it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband”s blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since it was obviously helping out his wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the postman was lying dead on their porch. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ *A couple, both over 70, went to a sex therapist’s office in **The Gold Coast. * The doctor asked, “What can I do for you?” The man said, Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?” The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the couple had finished, the doctor said, “There’s nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse,” and charged them $50. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay the doctor, then leave. Finally the doctor asked, “Just exactly what are you trying to find out?” The old man said, “We’re not trying to find out anything. She’s married and we can’t go to her house. I’m married and we can’t go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $90. The Hilton charges $140. We do it here for $50 and I get $43 back from Medicare”. ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in. One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. “STOP!” he shouted in a firm voice. “Have you got a license for that thing?” Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. “OK,” he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted “STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?” Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said “On your way, Ma’am.” As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt- Naked, and holding his “You-Know- What” in his hand. “Oh, good grief,” yelled Ethel, “Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again!!!” ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Englishman: “That your dog?”Kiwi: “Aye”Englishman: “Mind if I speak to him?’Kiwi: “Dog don’t talk.”Englishman: Hey dog, how’s it going?”Dog: “Doing all right.”Kiwi: (look of shock)Englishman: Is this your owner?” (Pointing at the Kiwi)Dog: “Yep.” Englishman: How’s he treating you?” Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play.” Kiwi: (Look of total disbelief!) Englishman: “Mind if I talk to your horse?” Kiwi: “Horse don’t talk.” Englishman: “Hey horse how’s it going?” Horse: “Cool.” Kiwi: (Extreme look of shock!) Englishman: “Is this your owner?” (Pointing to the Kiwi) Horse: “Yep.” Englishman: “How’s he treating you?” Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather.” Kiwi: (Look of total amazement!) Englishman: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?” Kiwi: “That sheep’s a fucking liar!! ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ Moving on to Larrikin events, well, earlier this week the club received a flyer giving details of both this week’s Run & Japanese- themed On-On in Artarmon, being arranged by VENERABLE & OLLIE, as well as next week’s run, being set by LAUNDRO in North Sydney to mark his bro-in-law PRETZEL’s Seventy-fifteenth Birthday. The Scribe also received notice from GREWSOME, Son of STRINGBEAN, that one year on from his passing, (but better late than never!), a WAKE FOR STRINGBEAN is being held at the 19th Hole at ROYAL MARRICKVILLE GOLF CLUB, Wharf Road, Marrickville 2204, from 4pm onwards on Sat May 22nd. Hash friends of Stringie’s are invited, but please keep appraised of any Covid restrictions that may or may not be in place on the day. There will be further details, yet to come, of the STRINGBEAN MEMORIAL RUN, also taking place at Royal Marrickville Golf Club, which is being set by JUKEBOX, on Tuesday May 25th, three days after the delayed wake, and which will infact be the first run in the new Larrikin committee year of 2021/22. Before mentioning the AGM, and impending fees which will soon be due, there’s news of another sadly-deceased-last-year Larrikin, ROVER. COLONOSCOPY texted the Scribe earlier on in the week to say he’d just seen a televised ceremony on the ABC News, in which ROVER was one of 4 firefighters posthumously honoured, following the events of last year’s bush fires. It’s possible it may still be viewable on iview, but meanwhile here is the press release on the RFS’s website.. NSW volunteer fire fighters recognised on St Florian’s Day Published Date: 04 May 2021 Summary Hundreds of volunteer fire fighters from across NSW have been recognised with prestigious awards from the NSW Rural Fire Service (NSW RFS) as part the Service’s annual commendations for exceptional service and bravery. Police and Emergency Services Minister David Elliott joined NSW RFS Commissioner Rob Rogers and Resilience NSW Commissioner Shane Fitzsimmons today (4 May 2021) to honour 16 individual award recipients and one brigade for their heroic actions during the 2019/2020 Black Summer bush fires. All other commendations will be issued at regional ceremonies to be held in coming weeks. Usually held on the fourth of May each year, the award ceremony coincides with the Feast Day of St Florian, Patron Saint of Firefighters and International Firefighters’ Day. Minister David Elliott said the event was an opportunity to come together to officially thank NSW RFS volunteers for their ongoing hard work and professionalism. “We are enormously grateful for these men and women who selflessly serve our communities and respond to all types of fires and emergencies around the clock. We pay tribute to those brave members and their dedication to protect the irreplaceable,” Mr Elliott said. Commissioner Rogers said this year’s recipients demonstrated extreme acts of bravery in the face of horrific conditions experienced during the 2019/2020 Black Summer bush fires, and includes recipients for 2020 who were unable to receive their commendation due to Covid restrictions last year. “During a bush fire season like no other, our members fought tirelessly for months to save lives and property. Tragically, four NSW RFS members were killed in action during this terrible season and we have posthumously awarded Andrew O’Dwyer and Geoffrey Keaton from Horsely Park Brigade, Samuel McPaul from Morven Brigade and Colin Burns from Belowra Brigade with individual Commissioner’s Commendations for Bravery. “Their sacrifice will never be forgotten,” Commissioner Rogers said. “Several other members have received bravery commendations for fighting the Green Valley fire of December 2019 when a fire tornado erupted. Captain Stuart Anderson and firefighter Andrew Julian of Back Creek-Greater Hume Brigade, Deputy Group Captain Ian Avage of Splitters Creek Brigade, Captain Andrew Godde and firefighter Rodney O’Keeffe of Culcairn North West Brigade risked their lives and sustained serious injuries while protecting members of the community and their homes.” A Commissioner’s Unit Citation for Bravery was awarded to Harrington Brigade which was attending a house fire at Johns River in November 2019 when a burning tree fell across their path forcing them to continue on foot in extreme fire conditions. “Displaying courage and determination, all these members personify what it means to be a NSW Rural Fire Service volunteer,” Commissioner Rogers said. Commissioner Rogers also announced that all NSW RFS Members who played a role in the 2019/2020 Black Summer bush fires will receive a Commissioner’s Certificate for Service, for their contribution to protecting people and property during one of the most devastating fire seasons in history. To read about all of the worthy St Florian’s Day recipients please click here <www.rfs.nsw.gov.au/news-and-media/st-florians-day-2021>. RIP ROVER and STRINGBEAN, who may both now sadly be gone, but who are very clearly not forgotten, and are indeed remembered fondly. Regarding the AGM, the Scribe understand HAL will be attaching a flyer to this edition with further details, and FRANKLY might also be advising details of fees due for renewed club membership, in one of her last acts as current Hash Cash. And that’s about it for now. STARBOARD didn’t furnish any photos from PHANTOM’s Manly Vale run, so here’s a couple or so memes from various sources, and a video supplied by PHANTOM of one of his recent dates. On On, and pass me another Bloody Shiraz Gin Cocktail, please! CHIMNEY.
A Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The Pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR’S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR’S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey. The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN. The Bishop fainted. He informed the Nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farm for $10. The next day the paper read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10 This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read: NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE. The Bishop was buried the next day. The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So be yourself and enjoy life! Stop worrying about everyone else’s ass and just cover your own !!! You’ll be a lot happier and live longer!
Another Sunday arvo, another Hash Trash.. In actual fact it feels like I’ve already put together a Hash Trash this week, having written my contribution to the Larrikin Year Book on Friday, and sent it off to ALL FOURS who is compiling it. However, this is this week’s Trash, and it’ll be short. I received an email from MOTHER on Wednesday, but instead of including NT funnies it was instead his run report from Tuesday, which follows shortly. Not sure if there will be ‘flyers’ attached, promoting any of the remaining runs taking place during this committee’s tenure, but I do know that following PHANTOM’s run in Manly Vale this week, with its on-on at the Calabria Club, VENERABLE & OLLIE switch from PHANTOM’s Italian vibes and are instead getting the club in the Olympics Zone, with a Japanese On-On in Artarmon and who knows which Olympic run planned beforehand: my guess would be the 10,000 metres for the runners, the 5,000 metres for the walkers and the 100m for the bucket-only attendees! After that there’s PRETZEL’s Feierlichkeiten zum fünfundachtzigsten Geburtstag Run, set by his Schwager, LAUNDRO, in North Sydney, and then JUKEBOX is setting a STRINGBEAN MEMORIAL RUN at Royal Marrickville Golf Club, to which Botany Bay have been invited, so that sounds like a pretty excellent line up to look ahead to for May. Beyond that, the Larrikin website advises that CHUCK & TWIN DICKS are setting a run in the first week of June, but I’m not sure if that will be the last run of the current hash year, or the first of the next hash year: perhaps all will be revealed next week! Meanwhile, in lieu of any NT funnies, after MOTHER’s run report will come a few mildly amusing memes that popped up in the Scribe’s Facebook newsfeed, although the first (fart) one is courtesy of PHANTOM.. On On CHIMNEY +++++++++++++++++++++++ Run 2232 Report: Tuesday 27th April, 2021 Start: Car Park in Taylor St, Near Bridge Road Glebe. On Inn: Kauri Foreshore Hotel, 2 Bridge Rd, Glebe NSW It was the night of the Full Moon. It was a warm autumn night with a Super Full Moon prominent in a clear sky. The Larrikins assembled in a carpark in Taylor Street, near to Bridge Road, Glebe. The car park is for the use of the staff of the local High School but no one objected to the Larrikins using it and so we avoided the usual complaint “There is nowhere to park in Glebe.” The run was variously measured to be between 6 and 6.5 km. There was a Runner/ Walker split at the Jubilee Park Light Rail Station. The first runner returned at 7:15 pm and all or almost all of the runners were back within the hour. The walkers took a little longer. Mongrel was the last in. The Hare must take some responsibility for Mongrel’s misfortune. The Walker’s Trail was only marked for part of the way on the basis that the walkers were to continue in the direction indicated until they met the Runners Trail. Some of the Walkers were told this butMongrel was not. “Everything that can go wrong will go wrong.” Major Edward J. Murphy, US Air Force. (There really was a Murphy who developed Murphy’s Law).
The run was set in Glebe and so covered areas that have been covered before but the run went through areas of interest that were new to many as well as covering the excellent views from the edge of the Rozelle Bay and Blackwattle Bay toward the city. The run was well marked except for the part where Mongrel lost his way. Run Score: 9.99 out of 10.
20 of the Larrikins went to the Kauri Foreshore Hotel. The restaurant had been pre-warned that we would be there but the Fat and Slow Football Team were there when we arrived and were seated downstairs and so the Larrikins occupied the roof area. The restaurant managed to supply the food without too much delay. A very successful night. On-On MOTHER. Q
The Scribe and MIZ DA BUCKET attended a Eurovision Preview Party in town on Saturday night. The combined score of all those in attendance made Ukraine their clear winner, although the bookies have an angst-ridden Swiss number about life after death as their odds-on favourite. Take your pick of either of these two memorable videos from the Ukrainian entry: it did mean that quite a lot of the crowd came in Haz Mat gear, hoping to win the topical fancy dress prize on Saturday! Weird but Wonderful Ukrainian Eurovision video #1.. https://youtu.be/sDeMfL8Ib9A Weird but Wonderful Ukrainian Eurovision video #2.. https://youtu.be/U7-dxzp6Jvs I reckon some radiated Chernobyl magic mushrooms may have been consumed in the making of these videos.. or a heck of a lot of Ukrainian vodka!